by Kate’s Club LoKate member Grace
2026 will be my first Mother’s Day without my mom—and, in a way that feels almost cruel, my first Mother’s Day as a mom myself. My mom, Elisa Coccia Scarpino, passed away the day before Thanksgiving in 2025. She was only 65. We lost her to complications from a brain aneurysm and stroke, just eight months and one week after my dad passed. I was 28 years old, 35 weeks pregnant with my first baby, trying to prepare for motherhood while knowing that I was about to do it without my parents.
Remembering Elisa Coccia Scarpino
My mom was unforgettable. She was always the loudest, funniest person in any room and the kind of person you couldn’t ignore even if you tried. A true Italian mom from New Jersey, she only had one volume, and it was loud. She could turn anything into a joke, fully commit to the bit, and have an entire room laughing until they cried. But beneath all that humor was a heart that made everyone feel like family. She wasn’t just my mom, she was a mom to everyone.
Kind, generous, and always enough love to give everyone. She craved a high UV day on the beach with an iced tea and fresh peaches in the cooler. She loved to dance to disco music or sing to Elton John. And most of all, she loved to laugh and make others laugh with her.
Mother’s Day when your mom died
As Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself grieving all over again. Not just for her, but for all the moments we no longer get to share. No more last-minute runs to the store for sunflowers or a card. No more breakfast in bed, no more special dinners, no more picking out her favorite chocolates. Instead, I’ll stand in front of her name on a mausoleum, talking to her, asking questions that will never have answers, wondering why it had to happen this way. I scroll through social media and see everyone posting pictures with their moms of photos taken that very day, full of smiles and life, and I’m reminded that all I have now are memories. I am grateful to be a mom now but no amount of baby giggles can distract from her absence.
The hardest part of grieving is how often I’m forced to speak about my mom in the past tense. She was funny. She was an incredible mom. She was supposed to still be here. Each “was” feels wrong, like I’m rewriting a story that shouldn’t have ended yet. I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand why things happened this way, and I’m not sure I’ll ever truly accept it. What makes it even harder is when people avoid bringing her up, thinking they’re protecting me from the pain. What I really crave is the opposite. I want to hear her name and to listen to all the silly and heartfelt stories of her from different perspectives. I hold onto every chance I get to talk about her and to laugh about who she was and what she meant to this world. I am terrified that people will slowly start to forget her and I can’t let that happen.
I am grateful for my support system for stepping up. My sister, aunt, mother-in-law and friends all showed up for me in these past few months, but no one can replace my mom. No matter how old you get, a girl always needs her momma. I think about calling or texting her every single day. How I reach for my phone to send her a photo of this month’s baby milestone and how I quickly remember that she won’t answer. I call out her name in the car and thank her for the little signs she shows me. I see your peach sunsets, your 12:12 on the clock, your Elton John songs, and the baby girl name I picked out years ago while I wait for you to send her to me. As long as I am living, you and dad will never be forgotten. I am not looking forward to my first Mother’s Day without her, but I know she is everywhere, always watching over me.
Where can I get grief support in Georgia if my mom died?
Kate’s Club empowers children and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education and advocacy. Since its founding in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both member and outreach services. Kate's Club offers services in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.