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Social media can feel inescapable. Someone always wants to send you a post they saw, or some business always wants you to follow them for deals. You can find a post, video or graphic on just about any topic in the world somewhere on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or some other site.
There’s even a lot of grief content online, sometimes from folks who just want to share details about their grief journeys, memories about their people who died, or even relatable jokes about the grief experience.
#GriefTok and its counterparts on other sites is probably the perfect way to understand social media as a whole – there are positive and negative effects, and we can all choose what we take or leave. What are the pros and cons of using social media when grieving? Can it ever be helpful? Is it healthy?
How can you find people on social media who understand grief?
One of the biggest pros of using social media while grieving is the chance to find others who are going through the same thing as you. Grief is more common than most realize. Did you know:
- 1 in 11 kids in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18
- The number nearly doubles by age 25
However, even though grief is so common, we are often taught to keep its feelings to ourselves, and it makes us feel alone. We don’t realize that our neighbor, classmate, or co-worker might also be grieving alone.
To some people, social media feels like a safer place to talk about grief. Then, if you see someone else talk about their grief, you realize you’re not the only one who feels that way.
Our entire Kate’s Club philosophy is built on the fact that grief is so much easier to cope with when you know you’re not alone.
We have data that suggests that up to 92% of young people gain better grief coping skills from meeting and spending time with others to whom they can relate and truly feel understood.
Does doomscrolling prevent you from building deeper relationships with other people who are grieving?
On the flip side, you may not always be building deeper relationships with people just because you see their posts.
You may have done it yourself, scrolled through dozens of videos on one topic on TikTok but never made your own, or lurked in a Facebook group to read everyone else’s conversations but never left a comment.
If you only read comments, but do not engage with others, then it may not feel like a reciprocal relationship.
Additionally, if you find yourself in that “doomscrolling” loop, you might find yourself spending hours and hours scrolling on your own rather than dedicating your time to other coping mechanisms or engaging offline.
It is valuable to see other people who are grieving online, but the long-term effectiveness of scrolling, reading and watching videos is lower than things like:
- Talking about your grief with trusted friends and family
- Finding ways to get professional support for your grief, whether that is therapy or recreational grief support like we offer at Kate’s Club
Can it be helpful to express your grief on social media?
Our society often expects us to cope with grief quickly, so we can return to work, school, or “regular life” without much interruption.
Grief can also come with negative feelings like anger, jealousy, or guilt, and people often aren’t as accepting or understanding of these feelings. Then, once again, we keep them to ourselves instead of getting the support we need.
That makes social media the perfect place to express these stigmatized emotions. When you’re amplifying a message to hundreds or thousands of people, instead of maybe just a dozen in your close circle, you’re bound to feel someone who can empathize.
Additionally, it can seem easier to be anonymous on social media. If you don’t attach your name or photo to an account, you might think it’s harder to trace grief’s more difficult emotions back to you. It might feel like the perfect way to make sure no one will judge you for how you feel.
What should you do when you get negative feedback?
You have to be prepared for negative comments when you post about anything, including grief.
Not everyone understands what it’s like to grieve the death of someone close to them, and even people who have experienced it themselves may not always have the most helpful comments.
We see misconceptions in our comments every day, like the ideas that:
- People shouldn’t talk about their grief
- Nobody should feel relieved after someone they had a complicated relationship with dies
- The death of one relationship, like a mother or father, might be worse than another, like a close friend
- And more
It is not guaranteed that you’ll receive comments like this if you post about your grief, but if you do, be prepared to take them with a grain of salt! You and yours know your feelings best!
Can you learn positive coping mechanisms for grief on social media?
There is another flip side to posting about your grief on social media. It is a great way to get hard feelings off your chest, but is it the best way to gain coping skills? Will you learn any way to manage your grief other than posting into the void?
Of course, we aren’t denying the value of social media as a way to talk about grief. However, if that is your only source for sharing your feelings or getting advice, you might be missing out on valuable, professional suggestions unless you go out of your way to find trustworthy sources.
What are some good grief coping mechanisms?
- Channeling negative emotions into writing, art, music or other mediums
- Getting on your feet, stretching, or moving your body to feel more grounded
- Talking about grief with trusted family and friends, allowing it to bring you closer
- Taking up new hobbies as a way to spend your time, or even to help you feel closer to your person who died
What do you think – is social media helpful when grieving?
What do you think? Have you found social media helpful when you’re grieving, or do you think the cons outweigh the pros? We think there are a lot of pros and cons, and ultimately it’s about finding a balance.
If you ever find yourself struggling with grief, we always recommend finding a grief support group near you, like Kate’s Club. We even offer free, virtual options for young adults ages 18 to 30. You can also seek the support of a therapist or counselor.
Where can I get free online grief support?
Kate’s Club empowers kids and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education and advocacy. Since its founding in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both member and outreach services. Kate's Club offers online grief support to young adults all over the world and provides in-person services for all ages in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.