by Kate’s Club LoKate member Madison
One of my favorite memories of my mom happened during one of the hardest times in our lives. It was during the summer, after her diagnosis, when things had already started changing. My siblings and I were outside jump roping with our babysitter while my mom sat nearby watching us. At that point, she had already lost much of her ability to speak because of the tumor that had taken over so much of her body. We thought she was just sitting there enjoying the moment with us like she usually did. Then suddenly, she got up and jumped in.
It only lasted a few seconds, but it changed the entire atmosphere around us. Everyone started smiling and laughing. We were so excited. I think that moment meant so much because even though cancer had taken so much from her already, there was still a piece of her fighting to hold onto joy and normal moments with her children. That memory has stayed with me for years because it reminds me of who she was before cancer tried to redefine her.
Remembering my mom who died in honor of Mother’s Day
My mom and I were extremely close. I always joke that I was not necessarily the “mommy’s girl” because my younger sister definitely held that title, but I was her oldest child and her first daughter. My mom was vibrant, confident, funny, and strong. She had a presence about her that made people gravitate toward her.
On January 21, 2012, we found out she had a glioblastoma brain tumor and only had a few months to live. Within a year, everything changed. I watched my mom slowly lose pieces of herself. She lost her ability to speak. She lost feeling on the left side of her body. She lost her hair, her strength, and eventually even her smile. On January 26, 2013, she passed away. I was nine years old.
Even though we knew her death was coming, nothing truly prepares you for losing someone you love, especially your mom.
One of the hardest parts was simply learning how to navigate life without a mother. I have been incredibly blessed to have strong women step in and support me throughout different seasons of my life, and I will never take that for granted. But a mother’s love and wisdom is something completely different. There are moments where you instinctively want your mom, and grief has a way of reminding you of that in both big and small ways.
Finding grief support at Kate’s Club
After my mom passed away, my relationship with grief was complicated. Before moving to Atlanta, my family participated in a grief counseling group in North Carolina for families impacted by cancer. It was extremely solemn, and honestly, I hated it. Everything felt heavy all the time. Every conversation centered around sadness, and as a child, it became exhausting. It made me not want to talk about my mom because every time we did, it felt like it had to end in tears.
Shortly after moving to Atlanta, my dad found Kate's Club and at first, I did not love it either. I remember thinking it felt strange that we would talk about grief and loss and then immediately go play games or do activities afterward. I did not understand how grief and joy could exist in the same room together.
Now, looking back, that is exactly what made it so healing.
Because why does remembering someone you love always have to feel sad?
How can I feel joy when grieving?
That is one of the biggest things Kate's Club taught me. Grief does not always have to look heavy and devastating. Sometimes it looks like laughing during a game after sharing a memory. Sometimes it looks like smiling when someone tells you that you laugh exactly like your mom.
Sometimes it looks like wanting to hear stories about the person you lost because hearing their name still brings comfort.
I also think my understanding of coping has changed a lot over the years. For a long time, I thought coping meant “getting over it.” I eventually learned healing was less about fixing grief and more about allowing myself to feel it.
If I need to cry, I cry. If I need to scream, I scream. Sometimes I talk to my mom when I need guidance or comfort. I do not bottle things up anymore because I learned that eventually those emotions come out one way or another.
The lifelong nature of grief
At this point in my life, I always want to hear about my mom. I love when people tell me new stories about her. I love when someone can pick me out of a crowd because they think I look like her. Those moments mean everything to me because they remind me that pieces of her are still here.
Every accomplishment I have somehow leads back to her. Whether it is graduating college or getting through difficult moments, I always thank my mom because deep down I truly believe she has been with me every step of the way.
Grief never completely disappears, and I do not think it is supposed to. There will always be moments where I wish I could call my mom, hug her, or let her see the person I am becoming. But thanks to Kate's Club, grief no longer feels like something I have to be angry at. They helped take the saddest and most devastating experience of my life and turn it into something I can live with instead of something that only hurts me.
More than anything, losing my mom taught me not to take people for granted. I try to spend as much time with the people I love as possible. I appreciate little things now. A conversation, a shared memory, a laugh, or even a few seconds of jump roping in the middle of a hard summer can become the kind of moment that stays with you forever.
And honestly, I know my mom would love that.
Where can I get grief support in Georgia if my mom died?
Kate’s Club empowers children and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education and advocacy. Since its founding in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both member and outreach services. Kate's Club offers services in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.