Remembering a Husband and Father After Homicide
Christmas was Katrina's husband’s holiday. She smiled as she remembered it in the interview.
“My husband’s holiday was Christmas, like he was OD, Christmas was ridiculous," Katrina said.
As she reminisced about his enthusiasm for Christmas, she said something that stuck with me.
“Everybody’s busy. Everybody has stuff to do. So more than it was a tradition, it was kind of like that. Like those moments where we would pause," Katrina said.
He would go all out to make Christmas memorable for their children. It was a time when the busyness of the world came to a halt and the family was together. He also loved to cook, and they still remember meals like the seafood boils he made. For Katrina, these are some of the ordinary memories of a husband she had known for her entire adult life.
On September 25, the National Day of Remembrance for Homicide Victims, Kate’s Club remembers those killed by homicide and the families who carry their memories. Katrina shared part of her family’s story after her husband was killed outside their home. His death was sudden, and, as Katrina described it, the impact on their family has been "permanent and pervasive."
Remembering Him in Everyday Moments
When he died, Katrina struggled to believe it was real. The first days were a blur, but the reminders that followed did not fade into a single anniversary or holiday.
“I don’t know that there’s any day I don’t think about my husband," Katrina said.
The smallest moments can bring him to mind: a conversation at work she wishes she could share with him, their children remembering something Dad did, or a date that still matters to their family. Those memories are woven into the days they spend together.
Katrina says that she and her children still have great times. Their ability to enjoy life does not mean they have stopped missing him. Grief remains part of their lives even as they make new memories. She is still making sense of what “acceptance” would mean for her.
Letting Each Child Grieve Differently
Katrina recognized that their losses were connected but different. She lost her husband; the children lost their dad. She has tried to let them decide what remembrance looks like instead of choosing one ritual for everyone.
She put it this way: “Their journey’s not mine.”
After his death, she asked whether they wanted to visit the cemetery. Their answers differed, so she made room for each choice. Some years, the family wants to mark a day in one way; another year, that same plan may feel like too much. As Katrina said, “What works today doesn’t work the next year.”
Christmas showed her why that flexibility mattered. Her husband had made the holiday special. The first Christmases without him were hard, and the family eventually began traveling during the season. A change of place helped, even though Christmas Day could still be difficult. They found ways to remember him while allowing their traditions to change.
Katrina was also trying to meet her children’s needs while grieving herself. She began therapy, and one of her daughters joined Kate’s Club soon after her father died. Her youngest joined when she was old enough. Katrina describes that early support as a turning point for the family, alongside the work she was doing in therapy.
“That early intervention... whether it was me going to therapy and her going there was like a game changer," she said.
At Kate’s Club, her children could be around other kids who knew what it was like to grieve a parent. Katrina believes that recognition matters.
A child can share a feeling that seems too small or strange to say elsewhere and hear that someone else understands.
As her older daughter grew, Katrina noticed that Kate’s Club remained a place she wanted to return to. For Katrina, that continued connection showed its value. She has since told other families about the programs.
“They want to go; they don’t know where to go," she said.
Support for Katrina Too
At first, Katrina avoided adult programs. Later, being with other grieving adults helped her recognize that her experience was shared by people whose lives otherwise looked very different from hers.
She also recalls a Kate’s Club conversation about hindsight and guilt. After her husband’s death, she had spent years thinking about what she should have done differently. Hearing that people often judge decisions made in a moment against knowledge gained afterward helped her rethink those questions. That is why she said, “That perspective changed my entire life.”
Katrina does not say that support erased the pain. Her family can have meaningful moments while still remembering him every day. On this day of remembrance, her story makes space for both: the husband and father her family continues to love, and the different ways they carry his memory.
For families seeking grief support for children after a homicide or another death, Kate’s Club offers a community where they can talk and connect with others who understand. Learn more at katesclub.org.
Looking for grief counseling near you?
Families searching for grief counseling or grief support for a child nearby can turn to Kate’s Club for free, community-based programs across Georgia. Kate’s Club creates supportive spaces for children and teens, young adults, and families navigating life after the death of someone important to them. Through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education, and advocacy, participants can connect with others who understand grief. Founded in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club now serves communities throughout Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia, and Coastal Georgia.