Given it’s the spinoff of Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky’s love story for the ages, I expected the same rom com sweetness from XO, Kitty, which follows the youngest Song-Covery sister, Kitty. My assumption wasn’t entirely offbase, considering anticipation for XO, Kitty season three has flooded my fyp with videos from Team Min Ho, Team Yuri, and even the brave Team Dae warriors.
However, I was pleasantly surprised when a good chunk of the show also followed Kitty’s connection to her mom who died. As someone who works at a grief support organization, any grief representation will always interest me, and many of XO, Kitty’s grief moments are particularly poignant.
I can’t remember how many times my friend and I turned to each other in tears after a particularly moving scene, and the grief and family storylines are what have me more seated than Ayo Edebiri for season three. I can, however, count some of my favorite grief moments from seasons one and two of XO, Kitty – four to be exact!
1. Kitty watching the VHS of her mom in season 2
In season two of XO, Kitty, Kitty and her friend Yuri settle in to watch a VHS tape that Kitty’s mom Eve made when she was in high school.
“By the time this time capsule is opened, I’ll be in my fifties. I’ll be an award-winning journalist, married to someone smart and kind, and we’ll have kids, at least one. A girl,” Eve dreams out loud. “And I hope I’ll visit Korea with my mom…Maybe by then she’ll be on speaking terms with her sister again.”
Kitty, Yuri, and viewers of the show know that Eve died not long after Kitty was born, but Eve in the video doesn’t know she’ll die before she realizes some of these dreams. That’s why Kitty, Yuri, and I were all sobbing through this scene together.
So much of grieving is about more than missing someone’s presence in your life; it’s about grieving what could have been. Being confronted with Eve’s dreams is just a stark reminder that she never reached her fifties like she anticipated. She is no longer here to enjoy time with her husband and kids, that she doesn’t get to continue celebrating career success.
Then, of course, there is the saddest dream of all – she never got to reunite her mom and aunt.
It’s a raw, realistic depiction of the yearning for what could have been, a dimension of grief that isn’t as often represented as its sadness.
2. Bonding with Yuri to learn more about their moms in season 1
It’s also moving that Yuri is a shoulder to lean on while Kitty watches the video of her mom, as well as many other moments that lead up to that.
So often when we’re grieving, people are afraid to talk to us about our person who died. They think bringing them up will only make us sad, and it’s a topic better left alone. However, the truth is that grief can often be magnified by the fact that nobody else will talk about our person or say their name.
It can be isolating to feel like you’re the only one still thinking about your person, that everyone else has moved on and left you behind. Maybe it even feels like you shouldn’t be missing your person, since no one else does.
I love that Yuri always wants to talk about Kitty’s mom with her, and even follow her at times harebrained schemes to learn about her. Even if Yuri also wants to learn about her own mom’s relationship to Eve Song, it’s hard to find a friend who supports you that way when you’re grieving.
The fact that Kitty and Yuri bond through this process demonstrates how keeping someone’s memory alive and sharing it with someone else can truly help us cope and bring us closer.
3. Fulfilling her mom’s wishes by reuniting her halmoni and sister in season 2
I didn’t know if I would ever stop crying when Kitty fulfilled one of her mom’s dying wishes by reuniting her halmoni (grandmother) with her sister.
At the beginning of season one, Kitty says she wants to study abroad in Korea, at the same school where her mother did, so she can feel closer to her. Over two seasons, Kitty learns more about her mom and her wishes – not only did her mom dream as a teenager of reuniting her mom and aunt, but she almost did it as an adult.
Kitty’s mom Eve had a trip to Korea planned when Kitty was a baby. She was going to bring Kitty and her mom there and finally reunite the two sides of their family. Kitty learns that trip never happened because Eve died.
After realizing she was supposed to be part of her family reunion as a baby, Kitty powers through awkward, hostile, and embarrassing moments with the members of her family to finally make that reunion happen. It’s a beautiful moment when, near the end of XO, Kitty season two, she finally accomplishes this and fulfills one of her mom’s dying wishes.
Eve is more than just the ghost in the room too. Kitty’s grandmother’s sister has set up a memorial ceremony for Eve, which they never got to hold when they died. Everyone in the family knows they are connected by her, and they want to celebrate and honor her memory together.
Before they hold the ceremony, Kitty and her older sister share a private moment.
“You did this. People always say I’m the most like Mom, but really you are. You bring people together,” Kitty’s sister tells her.
From the memorial ceremony to realizing Eve’s dreams, so many things in this scene are amazing ways to “continue bonds” with Kitty’s mom even if she’s no longer physically present.
In the grief space, we talk about how important it is to keep your relationship with the person who died alive and find ways to feel connected to them, even if you can’t make new memories together.
XO, Kitty has so much more unique and positive grief representation over the first two seasons. I can’t wait to see more in season three!
Contact Kate’s Club for more grief support resources
Kate’s Club empowers kids and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education and advocacy. Since its founding in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both member and outreach services. Kate's Club offers services in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.