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A Mother's Love: Cindy Schoell's Story

May 1, 2015
Megan Holder
A Mother's Love: Cindy Schoell's Story
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Cindy with her girls, Karson and Layne

Cindy with her girls, Karson and Layne

My mother was diagnosed at the age of 39 with breast cancer while she was pregnant with me. I am now 39, the age she was at diagnosis, which has brought up many different emotions for me – anger, sadness, fear. I have two beautiful daughters, currently ages 6 and 9. My mother had two daughters, my sister and I were 6 years and 4 years old respectively, when my mom died. I feel grateful that I have already gotten to spend more time with my girls than my mother did with us; however, during this 39th year, I have found myself often getting lost in thought about the emotions my mom must have gone through at the thought of dying and leaving us behind. I wonder about the fear and sadness she felt, and I have had moments of fear about my own death.

As a mom, my heart breaks sometimes for her loss. As a daughter, even almost 35 years later, my heart still hurts for my loss. I would love so much for my daughters to know their Grandma Tina and have her be involved in their lives. I tell stories about her, but my stories are mostly second hand because I was 4 when she died and that makes me sad. I love my girls more than I ever thought possible, and from what I know of the person my mother was, I know she felt the same way about my sister and I. I feel loved by her, even though she was only in my physical world for 4 years. The love from a mother is felt forever…and the grief of a child is never ending. I am a 39 year old mother who feels so lucky to be able to be actively involved in my daughters’ lives – like attending afternoon tea together (see picture); but there is a part of me inside who will always be a daughter who misses her mother.

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