On May 23, 2025, my mom and stepdad closed on their house after a whirlwind of fewer than 21 days under contract and only a month prior on the market. Two nights before they closed we paused to eat a takeout supper on the back porch. It was the only “room” with furniture because they were leaving it behind, but that porch was also my favorite spot in the house.
Floor-to-ceiling screens look out on the big yard with an abundance of flora and fauna. Because of the shape of the lot, street noise fades away leaving only ambient sounds of birds singing, bees buzzing, and wind whispering through the trees. In my completely-biased opinion, it is the most magically peaceful spot.
It’s also a great spot for reflecting, and as our chapter on the house was ending it was also a great time for reflecting, specifically on the years we’d spent there since my mom and dad bought it 29 years ago. It was Dad’s dream house, and he would only get one year living in it before dying on August 25, 1997.
Remembering the life of Richard Thomas Gunnels
My dad was the 2nd of four children and grew up on USAF bases around the country and abroad before my grandfather received his final posting and they moved into a modest home just off Eglin AFB. He graduated there and went to Auburn University where he majored in civil engineering, was in AFROTC, and met my mom.
Dad and mom spent the first few years of marriage just as he’d spent his childhood, living on Air Force bases across the country. He retired at the rank of Captain and was hired as a pilot for Delta Airlines, so we moved to Newnan, Georgia.
We were in our first Newnan home for five years when their friend’s parents, who lived in a neighborhood just around the corner in a big house my dad had always admired, mentioned they were ready to retire, and would he and my mom like to look at the house before they formally list it? Of course they did.
Janet Marie remembers the dreams of her dad who died
My mom has told me throughout the years that my sister and I were Dad’s dream come true, and when I wonder about what it must have been like for them at that moment in time, I like to think about how happy he must’ve been with how his life was going.
Dad had dreamed of big family vacations, so he took us snow skiing with neighbors in the winters. He’d dreamed of sharing his alma mater with his daughters, so he dressed us in Auburn cheerleading outfits and took us to football games. He’d dreamed of being an involved parent who played with his children, so he learned about soccer and signed up to coach our teams. He’d dreamed of the big, beautiful home he’d share with the love of his life, growing old together.
Then, after a soccer practice, he had a heart attack as we were in the car about to go home and just like that, at 38 years old, he was gone.
Coping with children’s grief becomes a lifelong journey
Life in the house went on, sometimes begrudgingly and at times bittersweet. There were birthday celebrations and post-prom parties. My sister got married. I finished a Masters program. Family trips taken to dream destinations. My mom and stepdad got married in 2005, and built onto the house to accommodate our blended family. Seven dogs have lived there, and even more have visited and played in the big backyard. Plenty of arguments and heartbreaks. All the things life has to offer, that make a house a home. And my dad missed it.
A sentiment we talk about a lot in Kate’s Club is that to grieve is to have loved. I’d even say that grieving gives us the gift of keeping our loved ones alive in a way. To those who haven’t experienced this kind of deep loss yet, you can be a part of that gift!
When my dad’s friends tell me stories about him, he feels alive to me. When my friends ask me to share my memories, he feels alive to me. I feel lucky because my stepdad knew my dad, so he even has stories to share to keep my dad’s memory alive. In a way, I know my dad better now after grieving him 28 years than I did at nine when he died.
So there I was, on his dream porch reflecting on the life we’ve lived there, the life he dreamed and missed, and it almost feels like saying goodbye to this house is me leaving him behind. But then I remember what my mom always told me. My sister and I were really his dream, and our hearts are his home no matter the house.
Contact Kate's Club for free bereavement support in Georgia
Kate’s Club empowers children and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education and advocacy. Since its founding in metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both in-house and outreach services. Kate's Club offers services in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.