“What I’ve learned about grief is that the grief is proportional to the depth of love you have for that person.”
It was a seemingly normal day for Chris; he was attending one of his best friends' basketball final parties in Detroit when he met someone who would change his life forever, his future wife, Lorieal.
“I said something that I thought was smooth that maybe she thought was lame, but it was good enough to get her number.”
The two fell in love and ended up getting married and having two sons together, Brendon and Miles. Chris describes Lorieal as the friend you could always call and talk to about your issues. She was that person not just for their family, but for everyone whose life she was in.
Grieving a Wife
When Lorieal was 41, she died due to complications from gallbladder cancer. Her death was a shock to her husband, Chris, and their two sons, who were only 13 and eight years old at the time. In the early stages of grief, Chris didn’t know what to expect. He could be listening to the radio when a song would come on that reminded him of Lorieal, and suddenly he would be brought to tears.
He remembers the months after she died as full of a lot of heaviness and sadness. Chris had experienced grief before when his grandparents died, but he said that the grief he felt when his wife died was a completely different experience. The grief felt more intense because when you get married, your identities merge, and you have dreams together. Then you realize that she won’t be there to see them.
“Some of the heaviness is asking yourself, what do I do now?”
Parenting Grieving Children
When Lorieal died, Chris wasn’t just grieving the death of his wife, but he was helping his two sons navigate the grief of losing their mom. Chris started to learn everything there was to know about grief, especially how it presents in children. He spent his time reading books about the subject and got his sons connected to a grief therapist as soon as he could.
He learned that how well the surviving parent handles their grief correlates with the children's well-being. He never hid his feelings from his children and wasn’t afraid to cry in front of them. He wanted to show them what healthy coping is and that it is okay to show your feelings and talk about them.
“I didn’t want their lives to be hampered because I was too proud to deal with my own grief.”
As a family, everyone is grieving Lorieal in different ways. One of Chris’s sons is more introverted, while the other shows his feelings more openly. Chris learned how to navigate those back-and-forth feelings and to embrace the fact that everyone grieves differently. They worked together as a family to support each other.
The Power of Kate's Club
About a month after Lorieal’s death, a close friend told Chris about Kate’s Club, and he instantly signed his two sons up for the program. Chris wanted a place where he and his children could be surrounded by others who were grieving.
“When you’re grieving, you realize most other people aren’t, so you don’t feel seen in certain rooms that you walk into.”
But at Kate’s Club, they did feel seen. Chris says that he and his family felt that being involved in Kate’s Club so soon after his wife died taught his family how to have those hard conversations about death and grief. Not only did his two sons thrive in the kids’ programs, but Chris also participated in Park Bench, a Kate’s Club grief support group specifically for grieving parents and caregivers.
“Being on park bench and having those candid, courageous conversations about how you felt was very good for me to be able to know that other people are suffering and we can help carry each other's burdens together.”
Kate’s Club was so impactful for Chris that he now proudly serves as a board member for the organization, and works to help other grieving families find the support that they need. He wants people to know that there is real support here that can help you through some of those difficult journeys.
Chris, Brendon, and Miles still celebrate Lorieal’s birthday every year by going to a Hibachi restaurant. They share stories of her and live their lives in a way that honors her memory.
Free grief support for kids and families in Georgia
Kate’s Club empowers children and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education and advocacy. Since its founding in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both member and outreach services. Kate's Club offers services in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.