5 Tips For College Students Who Are Grieving

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When someone close to us dies, it can feel like we are frozen in place while the world keeps spinning. There is an expectation from our friends, family and society as a whole that you need to move on quickly and get back to “normal life.” This can be especially true for college students who are grieving amid exams, classes, extracurriculars, friendships, and more.

How are college students supposed to focus on their grades when they have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, or someone close to them? Grief is not something you can just “move on” from, and it’s normal (and encouraged) to allow yourself the time to grieve.

Although grieving in college can be challenging, Kate’s Club has shared a few tips to help you take care of yourself, honor your feelings and still participate in college life.

Tip #1: Resist the urge to “throw yourself” into school, work and extracurricular activities

We have all heard the not-so-helpful advice that you need to stay as busy as possible when you’re sad. Grief, unfortunately, isn’t something you can just ignore, and instead, it is healthier to feel your feelings.

Taking time to rest does not mean you are weak. Experiencing the death of someone close to you can have physical effects as well as mental ones. Resting does not make you a bad student; it just means you need a break.
It is okay to have bad days. It is normal to have days where you spend hours crying in bed, and the only time you leave the house is to get ice cream with your roommate. Grieving someone important to you is sad, and it is okay to let yourself feel that emotion.
Ignoring your feelings doesn’t mean they are gone. As much as we wish we didn’t have to face hard feelings, we do. Spending hours every day studying, doing homework and participating in every extracurricular your college offers may feel good in the moment, but grief always finds a way of catching up with us, even years later.

Tip #2: Talk to your professors or school administrators about your loss

It can feel scary to talk to your professors and other college supporters about your loss. You might worry they won’t be sympathetic or that they will dismiss you, but it can be an important first step to ensure that you have access to all the resources that your college provides.

Check your school's bereavement policy. Some schools offer students excused time off for bereavement, or adjust school deadlines to accommodate you.
Sharing can lead to mutual understanding. Professors and administrators are humans too, and most of the time, they can empathize with you. Even if the bereavement policy is inadequate, being honest with your professors can make the process easier.
Death can be a logistical process too. One of the things people often don’t think about after someone dies is all the paperwork you will have to do. Planning a funeral, dealing with an estate, and closing out all their credit cards takes time. By talking to your school, you can have the time off to dedicate to completing these tasks.

Tip #3: Allow yourself to have fun!

We are told that college is the most fun time of your life, so when you experience the death of someone close, this once fun chapter can be filled with pain. You are not just grieving the person who died, but you are also grieving what your life was like before you experienced grief.

Grief and joy can and do co-exist. It doesn’t always feel like it, but everything you loved about college, the friendships, the learning, the community, will all still be there for you. Grief can make our world feel small, but eventually, you begin to make room for joy again.
Having fun does not mean you don’t care. Grievers often feel shame and guilt when they do something fun for themselves. They worry that if they can spend a happy day with their friends, then they are somehow betraying the memory of their loved one who died, but this isn’t true.

Tip #4: Talk to other college students who are grieving

One of the most helpful things you can do while you’re grieving is to talk to other college students who have also experienced a death. Even though grief feels isolating, you are not alone.

Grief is more common than you think. Many young adults experience the death of a parent, sibling, grandparent, friend or other people close to them. On a college campus, there are hundreds of other people who may feel the way you do.
Seek professional help if you feel depressed, overwhelmed, or helpless. There is support out there for you, and you don’t have to carry these feelings by yourself. Visit your college counseling office for professional help or to receive therapist recommendations.
Join a grief support group. Check with your college counseling center or Kate’s Club offers a free hybrid grief support group. Support groups can be a safe place to talk about your feelings, relate to others, and maybe even make new friends. To sign up for the free Kate’s Club support group, visit katesclub.org/join

Tip #5: Don’t compare yourself to others

Everyone has different circumstances and different life experiences, and you should avoid comparing yourself to others. It can be hard to go online and see other students graduating, starting new jobs, traveling the world, or even running marathons when you feel behind.

Experiencing the death of someone close to you is a major life event. It is okay if you need to take time for yourself after your loss or if it takes you some time to bounce back to “normal life.” Don’t compare yourself to others who haven’t experienced the loss you have!
Social media isn’t real. Being a college student can often mean that you are looking at your fellow classmates' lives through social media. You can start to wonder why everyone else is so happy while I am going through this. The truth is, you never really know what someone is going through, and social media isn’t a real reflection of their lives!
Celebrate your wins! Did you go for a walk instead of staying in bed? That’s a big win and should be celebrated!

How can I get free grief support as a college student?

Kate’s Club empowers kids and teens, their families, and young adults facing life after the death of a parent, sibling, caregiver or someone important to them. The organization builds healing communities through recreational and therapeutic group programs, education, and advocacy. Since its founding in Metro Atlanta in 2003, Kate’s Club has served thousands of individuals who are grieving, through both member and outreach services. Kate's Club offers online grief support to young adults all over the world and provides in-person services for all ages in Metro Atlanta, Southwest Georgia, Northeast Georgia and Coastal Georgia.